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The following promo is brought to us and paid for in full, by the New World Order of Professional Wrestling and Kill Chris Kill the movie. The setting for tonight is the home of this week's Backlash. The holy grail of wrestling arenas. Set in New York. It is, of course Madison Square Garden. Michael Cole and Tazz are seated down at ringside. :: Michael Cole :: Well Tazz, I wonder what mayhem we are going to get here tonight in good old New York. :: Tazz :: Well Cole, I dont know. We've seen it all this week. Especially when it comes to the joint main event. The immortal one. Hollywood Hulk Hogan returns to the ring after a 5 year absence. Brother. Its going to be huge. He was my hero when I was younger. :: Michael Cole :: Was? :: Tazz :: Well, still is. The man is a true icon is this business. Whether you like him, or hate him. Man, Cole, you have got to respect him. :: Michael Cole :: I totally agree Tazz. The man is a true legend. A hall of famer. :: Tazz :: He made professional wrestling. It is true. He beat Andre the giant. Cole, Andre was HUGE. believe me, i saw him. really HUGE. Hogan beat him. He's done it all. WWE. WWF. WCW. New Japan. Man, the crowds in Japan was immense. I've been in Japan, when Hogan was there. Sell outs every week. He did it all, Cole, and now, we should be honoured to have the immortal, the one the only Hulkster baby, here in the Criminal Minds Federation. :: Michael Cole :: Well Tazz. Not everyone shares the shame sentiments as yourselves. :: Tazz :: Well, they are all fools. :: Michael Cole :: Randy Orton for one. Jeremy Wilson for two, and it looks like Y2J Chris Jericho and Hitman Chris Jones have joined the list, and of course, some of our great fans. Most of the CMF fans that i've spoken to, don't want the nWo here in the CMF. They think that they'll be a bad infulence on the company. Bleed the company dry of all money. Hold the younger talent down. Just basically cause destruction every where they go. ANd Tazz. They have. Week one. Take out Orton's stand in, get the win, and then trash Jeremy's Jaguar and Randy's Porsche. They did a couple of their infomericals as they call them. Nash dressed up as James Bond and called Randy Orton's dad well, a,. well you saw it. He said Big Dick Johnson was Orton's mother. :: Tazz :: Ha ha. That was so funny. And this week, we found out the truth about Brooke Hogan when Hogan and the rest of the nWo went to see Nick Hogan in gail. ANd you know what Cole. Their was a striking resemblance between the two pictures. Brooke Hogan does look like Jerry Sags. ANd that birth certificate was aged perfectly and it was legitimate. :: Michael Cole :: It all appears to be true. I wonder what the poor girl would be thinking. I bet its a crushing blow for the girl. All before she makes her debut in the CMF this weekend. :: Tazz :: You find out loads of stuff in wrestling all the time Cole. You just gotta take it in and get on with it. The lights in the arena then start to flicker. :: Tazz :: Looks like something is about to go down Cole. :: Michael Cole :: It appears so Tazz. NNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEWWW NNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW. NEW WORLD ORDER is spoken over the speaker system. And then that is followed by the tinny sound that is uniquely the New World Order's theme music. All eyes in the crowd turn to the ramp and are transfixed to the CMF Tron and the stage. Everyone looks at the curtains. Hollywood Hulk Hogan then walks out from behind the curtain. Dressed all in black. Black jeans. Black top. Black bandana. The only colouring is white. THat is the white of the nWo logo on his T-shirt. Hulk sporting the blonde trademark moustache and a black dyed beard. Hogan walks out with a championship belt. An old championship belt with black lettering of nWo written all over it.
:: Michael Cole :: Tazz. Here's the immortal one. And he appears to be on his own. And Tazz. Is that the WCW World Heavyweight Championship that I see. Hollywood Hulk Hogan is holding the belt horizontally and playing it like a guitar. :: Tazz :: No COle. Its the nWo World Heavyweight Championship. That belt is history Cole. THat is the belt that changed the entire face of professional wreslting. That got people to tune in, and to take notice. Hogan walks down the ramp with his leg strapped up and walking rather gingerly with a noticable limp and a grimice on his face, and then.
Eric Bischoff steps through the curtain. Blue Jeans. Black t-shirt with white nWo logo and a black leather jacket. :: Michael Cole :: What the hell! Tazz! Whoa! THats Eric Bischoff. Eric Bischoff is here tonight, and Tazz. He's He's. He's wearing an nWo T-shirt. What the hell. WHat on earth is going down here. :: Tazz :: I don't Cole. I'm in as much shock as you. This is going to be interesting. Eric Bischoff runs down the ramp and runs in front of Hogan. Hogan stops. Eric Bischoff bows down several times to Hogan. Both continue down the ramp with Bischoff still bowing. Eric Bischoff then turns around and walks down at Hollywood Hulk Hogan's side.
Eric Bischoff is sporting that sick twisted sadistic smile that is sinominous with him, over the years. :: Michael Cole :: Look at his face. He is a manical genius Tazz. :: Tazz :: I'll give you that Cole. That man has several things running through his head. Hogan stops and grabs one of the many signs from the crowd. His one says "THE NWO STOLE MY WEED!" Eric Bischoff points to the crowd. Pointing at individual members of the crowd. We see another sign amongst the thousands. "Scott Hall drank my beer! Scott Hall cracks me up! " Hollywood Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff make their way to the ring. Eric Bischoff jumps up on the ring apron and sits on the ropes, opening them for Hollywood to step through. He does. Both move to the center of the ring. Hollywood Hulk Hogan hands the championship belt to Eric Bischoff. Eric Bischoff walks over to the turnbuckle and jumps on the top rop. Eric lays flat across the ropes, whilst Hogan flexes his biceps.
After a few moments of browsing, Hogan signals to Bischoff. Bischoff jumps down from the top rope and hands the belt back to Hollywood Hulk Hogan. Eric Bischoff then reaches into his inside leather coat pocket and he pulls out a microphone. The music slowly fades out. Eric Bischoff taps the microphone against his knee, to test if it works. It does. Eric Bischoff sports that sick smile again.
:: Eric Bischoff :: Oh I feel nothing, nothing but love here tonight from each and every one of you. He points to the crowd, as if he is talking to each and every person in the crowd, personally. :: Eric Bischoff :: Thank you all for loving me. But you know, as I look through the crowd tonight, and I wonder what you must be thinking, and I wonder what Jason Beausoliel is thinking. :: Hollywood Hulk Hogan :: Brother. You are the man with the plan. Eric Bischoff points at Hollywood Hulk Hogan. :: Eric Bischoff :: YES!. .............. Yes I am, Hollywood. And you are the immortal one. Eric Bischoff points back at the crowd. :: Eric Bischoff :: We made a big bang over here and loads of people turned and watched! CMF viewing figures are back. And who did it. Do we have to thank Jason Beausoliel. A few crowd cheers, and a few crowd boos. :: Eric Bischoff:: You, wanna know why?! Because I'm Eric Bishoff, that's why! I did it. It was me. You see, the papers, the word about Hogan's Celebrity wrestling got through to Jason's office. The plant was set. All the right pointers were put under his nose. The nose connected to his face, which was home to his thick skulled brain. Or where a brain should be. Hollywood Hogan claps and nods his head. He mutters to the crowd. "Man with the plan! Man with the plan!" :: Eric Bischoff :: The next plan was the large contract. Jason spoke to Jimmy Hart and eventually a settlement was reached. Well over the budget that CMF could afford, millions of dollars to each guy of the nWo , but the major selling point was the non liability clause, so the nWo could do anything they wanted and get away with it. Jason signed it. The band is back in town. Eric laughs hysterically. :: Eric Bischoff :: You know for the last couple of days he’s been sending his little wannabes around demanding to talk to moi. Problem with that is, he only sends them where he knows I’m not going to be. But that’s okay, because I have a solution. :: Hollywood Hulk Hogan :: You tell them , Mr Bischoff. :: Eric Bischoff :: Chris Jones, you think that its funny. FUnny to hit moi, when i'm down, hey? You actually show up at our offices on a Monday afternoon, when I think you probably got it figured out, even you Chris Jones are smart enough to figure it out. I probably won’t be there. And as far as the apology goes, or whatever, I owe you nothing Jones, so Jones. bite me! I don't have to apologize to no one. Hollywood Hogan claps again for Bischoff. Hogan then points to something in the crowd. The camera tries to find what he's pointing at. Its a sign. "Condoms prevent Ortons" :: Eric Bischoff :: You are spot on the mark there my friend. God, I love you guys. The cheers slowly turn to jeers. :: Hollywood Hulk Hogan :: You listen to me Jones, you punk ass bitch. You do NOT put your hands on the Boss, Mr Bischoff here. :: Eric Bischoff :: Jones, you won't get any sympathy from me this weekend, cause Payback's a bitch. In fact Jones. You'll find sympathy in the dictionary between sh*t and suicide. That if you wanna do either of those things, its pretty fine with me, Brother. :: Hollywood Hulk Hogan :: And the next time someone lays a finger on Mr. Bischoff, you're going to have to answer to the nWo, because you dont cross the boss. :: Eric Bischoff :: But I’ve got a better idea, because Jones I know you’re just a little puppet and you do what Jason Beausoliek tells you to do, so Jason Beausoliel, this is for you. I’m coming to infect the CMF which once was mine with the nWo. Chris Jones, you are just another victium. So Jones, you gotta choice to make. How about it Jones? But I want to warn you people right now. If you think Chris Jones has got the guts to show up, don’t watch Backlash, because I guarantee you he’s not man enough to step into the ring with Hollywood. But we'll be there Jones and we're going to knock you out! If you dare. Eric Bischoff puts then the microphone down to his side. He then smiles again and raises up the microphone. :: Eric Bischoff :: By the way Jones. I've been drafting up some backstage stuff to hand out to all the wrestlers. I've decided on the match for you this week ,should you decide to show up at Backlash. And Jones. You are jobbing to Hogan this week. You job out, cause I tell you to. You listen to me, or somehow, i'll find a way to fire your ass. Eric Bischoff looks seriously at the camera whilst uttering the last statement. :: Eric Bischoff :: Oh, Two things, Beausoliel. Number one, you’re mine, remember that. Number two and most importantly, watch out! Hollywood Hogan will step into that ring at Backlash and he will win his another match for the New World Order of Wrestling. And to Randy Orton. Don't screw up the match, Fathead. There seems to be a few Randy Orton fans in the crowd tonight as Eric Bischoff is getting a large chorus of boos from a small section of the packed crowd. Hollywood Hulk Hogan then points out another sign in the crowd "This guy smells funny! - With arrow pointing to guy ". Eric Bischoff points to a fan in the crowd. :: Eric Bischoff :: Looks like i've upset a few Randy Orton fans. Hollywood Hulk Hogan mutters something to Bischoff. :: Eric Bischoff :: Oh, tell that ugly one right there! :: Hollywood Hulk Hogan :: Well you know that ugly one right there! Do us all a favor! Leave those Hitman glasses on brother! Infact, go and buy paper bag. Bischoff and Hogan both laugh and point at the fan in question. :: Eric Bischoff :: I tell you something Hollywood. Its going to be so easy at Backlash. Jones will job, cause I tell him he's going to lose. And Hollywood, I’ll tell you what’s easy, your girlfirend, Jones, is easy. :: Hollywood Hulk Hogan :: The nWo ites feel that you should go suck on a monkey’s nipple! Cause you suck. I have some footage of you two jackasses in action. Put it up brother on the CMFtron. The following image appears on the CMFTron.
Eric Bischoff puts the microphone closer to Hollywood Hulk Hogan's mouth
:: Hollywood Hulk Hogan :: What we have here brother is the ass clown intercontinental champion and a never wasy washed up jackass. Jerkaho and Jackass Jones. THe packed crowd here in Madison Square Garden, New York, cheer and applaud Hollywood Hulk Hogan. :: Hollywood Hulk Hogan :: Well you know boss, you can tell that Hollywood’s in the house because nWo brothers, you don’t have to look under the ring, you don’t have to look in the sky, because Jackass Jones, is a coward. And he would never come out here, face to face and face Hollywood. Eric Bischoff claps his hands together, before put the microphone back to Hogan's mouth. :: Hollywood Hulk Hogan :: You see boss, Jackass Jones was out here. RUnning his mouth brother on the Highlight reel. :: Eric Bischoff :: He even had stuff to say out moi. Yours trully. Me adding a stipulation to HIS match. Well, son. I do the hell I want slim Jim. You see each and every one of these fans, pay moi, good money, and so, I try to deliver. I've delivered the New World Order and slowly we are taking over. The golden boys may try and run at the pay per view, and we all know that sooner rather than latr, the Golden BOys will be facing the nWo for the world tag team championship. So, its time to butter them up. Ok, Jones. Jericho. You are not a match for Hollywood but against Wilson and Orton, you may be able to prove useful. But you see, the problem is with Orton. He has no balls. He is a chicken shit. He's a big girl. He'll try and fake another injury. He'll try and do a fast one. So, Jason we all know, is as useful as tits on a nun and he'll let the people run all over him. So, yours truly, moi, came up, with an idea. Steve Austin. Stone Cold, the rattlesnake. He wont let anyone run away. So Jones. SHut the hell up. Period. If you don't like it. "BITE ME!" - The crowd join in with Eric Bischoff as he speaks the catchphrase. Eric grins as he puts the microphone back to Hollywood Hulk Hogan's mouth. :: Hollywood Hulk Hogan :: But then jabroni, you decided to take the piss, out of Hollywood. Beating Andre the giant brother, was like climbing a mountain. Crawling, scrapping, all the way to the top bro. Through all the turbalence, shaky ground and pressure brother. Then after reaching the very very top brother, you have to find the way down. THe only way down was to chop it down. I chopped it down with the plam of my hand, jabroni. What the hell have you done in the wrestling industry, besides jobbing every week, you thick bastard. :: Eric Bischoff :: A bunch of perverts too. Drooling over you in that bathing costume. Filthy swine, put it down you’ll go blind! What’s the matter with you? :: Hollywood Hulk Hogan :: They are a bunch of freaks, brothers. Thats what. Past a mania. How original. Incase you didnt realise jabronis. Hulkamania was killed brother, the day I turned and joined the outsiders to form the New World Order. You try and mock Hollywood brother, with some old retard from your momma's love house with a walking frame. DO you research better you pair of sorry bastards. Listen to me brother, ..because I am Hollywood Hogan, the man, the myth, the legend... Eric BIschoff bows down in front of Hollywood Hulk Hogan. :: Eric BIschoff :: Thats right. You are the true, wrestling god. The real icon. THis man, right here, MADE professional wrestling. He made the WWF. He made the WCW. He made the AWA. He made the nWo. You see this man moves mountains, and this week he'll have to get past your fat head. A fat head of lard with fuck all inside. Am i good, or am i good. :: Hollywood Hulk Hogan :: You are good, boss man. Brother, listen brother. Bad leg and all, I will prevail. I am a fourteen time world heavyweight champion, brother. You see nWo - ites. THe power of the CMF is turning. The NWO is where the power is brother. So asked yourself brother, Whatcha gonna do when the nWo kicks your damn ass? Eric Bischoff applauds Hollywood Hulk Hogan :: Hollywood Hulk Hogan :: Thats right Mr Bischoff boss. :: Eric Bischoff :: Well, i gotta question for all the nWo -ites out there......... Here goes................. WHOS BETTER THAN JACKASS JONES? The crowd shout back, "EVERYBORY!" :: Hollywood Hulk Hogan :: Your damn right. Everybody! :: Eric Bischoff :: Hollywood is GOD! Whatcha gonna do Jones this weekend when the biggest arms in the whole grab a hold of your stinking little throat and squeeze. Hollywood Hulk Hogan hold up his left hand and makes a grasping action and Hogan shows intensity in his face. :: Eric Bischoff :: CHoke! Choke! Choke! God I love being me. Then the nWo music comes on over the loud speaker system, and Hollywood Hulk Hogan goes back to playing his guitar, and the duo make their way out of the ring. The program fades out.
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